Family Dynamics:
How are you currently feeling about the fallout with your family?
I am hurt. I feel that I am the only one that has to make compromises to play happy families. My mothers or sister didn’t visit once to take the then Highschool kids for a few hours while every weekend I was going to the hospital to be with my wife in post-stroke rehab.
My mother actually said and has used this many times “There is nothing I can do can I?”
Have there been any recent changes in your relationship with them?
My mother called in a loan. I outlined that I had spent $13,000 in my wife and Mr 19 teeth last year and don’t have money set aside for their education. We are kiwis so no student loans.
I get strict payment plan and no response to anything I said.
What specific aspects of these relationships are most troubling to you?
I’m sick of no support. No, how are you? No how can we help.
Supporting Your Wife:
How are you managing the responsibilities of being a carer for your wife?
Mrs K is stable and happy but she suffers from a lot of fatigue. I can see it getting worse. She can’t handle complex conversations or planning for the future.
She has as had 3 open heart surgeries, stroke, frontal lobe seizures (controlled using Epilim) and a base skull growth that we are monitoring. It’s 4.5 cm growing slowly laterally but has already obliterated her left sphenoid sinuous.
What challenges are you facing in this role, both emotionally and practically?
I’m just sad. I miss my wife pre-stroke.
Are there specific areas where you feel you need more support or resources?
I would like validation. I would like the family to recognise we are doing it tough and make the effort to have a relationship with the kids but no.
Supporting Your Adult Children:
How do you feel about the balance between supporting your adult children and encouraging their independence?
I have paid for their cars and they paying me off. This has been a big boost so we don’t have to juggle cars.
It’s a good life lesson and unlike my mother charging 7% I didn’t charge interest.
Are there any particular struggles with your 19-year-old son being a chatterbox or your 22-year-old son being an introvert that you find difficult to manage?
He takes over the whole conversation. Can’t read the room, can’t stop and let other talk, can’t lead a conversation. We had a blow up a few nights ago when I tried and failed to explain this and he could not understand. It’s ok, he is still talking to me but I am sad. I was probably a bit drunk and was not a good time.
What are your expectations for your sons’ independence, and how do you see your role in their lives evolving?
Would like to see them study. Mr 22 was studing but Covid killed it. They both have jobs but I don’t see how this will lead to a career and adult independence.
Goals and Needs
Personal Well-being:
What are the key stressors in your life right now?
Money, lack of ability to retire. Me having to carry everyone. Me not being able to stop. Me not able to give Mrs K a great life. We can’t get travel insurance so we are bound to Australia and New Zealand.
Not being able to buy / own a house.
How do you feel about your own mental and emotional well-being?
I am running on empty but I survive.
Are there specific areas where you feel overwhelmed or under-supported?
I am not supported. I have very little friends.
Professional Life:
How are you feeling about your job as a solutions architect and the recent job offer at the hospital?
The hospital job was $8k less after tax. It’s a lot of $. I am very bored at work but I need to earn what I earn.
Do you have any concerns or aspirations related to your career that you haven’t yet explored with your psychologist?
I am capable of a lot. I am 95% underutilised. I am bored. I can create complete enterprise systems and I’m drawing BS AWS diagrams and doing high level designs.
Self-care and Hobbies:
How much time are you able to dedicate to your hobbies like photography, cars, and motorcycles?
I don’t play guitar anymore, I enjoy photography but it’s hard to find time to get out.
I enjoy the bike for work and get out on a few rides on the weekend. I have been on one weekend away by myself which was nice.
Do you feel these activities help you relax and recharge? If not, what changes might help?
I don’t know how to relax. I had yesterday off and crashed an burned. Slept in till 10.30am and then a massive sleep in the afternoon. Found it hard/impossible to get out of bed in the morning.
Moving Forward
Therapeutic Goals:
What are your goals for therapy in the coming months?
No idea
Are there specific skills or coping strategies you want to develop?
Drink less
Practical Support:
Are there any practical supports or resources that you feel you need more of?
No idea
How can your psychologist help you navigate finding these supports?
No idea
Formulating Questions
What strategies can I use to better manage the stress and emotional burden of being a carer for my wife?
More wine
How can I improve communication and relationships with my adult children, considering their differing personalities?
We are doing ok. I would just like them to be better equipped and have a future.
What can I do to maintain a healthy balance between my responsibilities and my own well-being?
Wine
How can I better navigate the dynamics of my extended family and any ongoing fallout?
None. It’s over. I don’t have the energy to deal with their manipulative crap.
Are there any specific therapeutic techniques or approaches that might be particularly helpful for my situation?
Wine
